Where my Ashley sees a light, I sense a massive cave in.
Why do I say this? Stressors from school are piling up. Plain and simple. Since I've started here in Auburn I've developed a semi-fear of the unknown. Odd, I used to not worry about tomorrow.

Is it perhaps because my whole "livlihood" is riding on the backs of the decisions of a few people? I used to never think about getting older. I shy from it in fact. Now, I am anxious about where I will be in 5 years from now. And 5 years is a drop in the bucket to 40 years from now.

As I told Lauren. Oh the faith roller coaster I've been riding. It feels like a rubber band being twisted and stretched and pulled into all manner of contortions. And after examining, when you get down to the base layer I understand I'm going to be taken care of so it shouldn't matter.

... but I can't help dwelling on it at least slightly.

Genetics is not looking good anymore. I still like the class (minus the 7 am time slot). But I hate his tests. I knew I wasn't prepared for the last test... but I didn't realize i was that unprepared. I should have just slept in and hoped for a remake test. Would that have worked? I might be sitting in a better position had I allowed that to happen. Oh well... if wishes and buts were candy and nuts...
Blaire would be introuble because she's allergic to nuts. Yoshi too. Hah!

I've made it today on simple distraction techniques. I finally got to clean my kitchen and bathroom. And I typed immunology notes from 3 until 7. I took a hot shower (aaaahhhh...) and then got curious when someone drove up in my driveway to drop off some stuff for City fest tomorrow. I'm heading to Yoshi's now for some more needed distraction time.

It's been a long week.

Otter
Genera and species: Amblonyx Cinerea
Collective Term: A prank of otters

Description
Otters are petite, engaging creatures overflowing with positive energy. Intelligent and bright, they are also popular and eminently lovable and displaying the highly developed social skills that typify the small carnivores. So, otters mix easily with a wide range of animal personalities.

Lazy? Let's just say easily distracted. For life has so many diversions for the otter, that whether it's playing a computer game, reading a book, or doing a crossword puzzle, it's impossible to predict how it will fill it's day. But when an otter gets focused on a problem, it's keen intelligence rises to the challenge and it will not give up until the nut is cracked. Otters feel entitled to the good things in life and a general sense of well being gives them the confidence to not have to save for the future. A lover who wants to impress an otter should know that otters love to eat out and have a predictable penchant for sushi.

Although intelligent and witty, otters have a tendency to suffer from self-doubt, and fear of failure can prevent them from living up to their true potential. Still, they are a great problem solvers, with the ability to spend endless hours on abstract or practical challenges. As workers, they are dedicated and capable and always eager for a chance to prove themselves. Their determination makes them valuable employees and although they often feel that their contributions are undervalued, they would rather accept lower pay than risk confrontations in their workplace. Although they are fine motivators, they avoid taking leadership roles, performing better in group situations with their social skills coming in handy when counseling coworkers through their problems. Their dexterous hands are useful in a wide range of careers, and they're ideally suited for work in engineering, advertising, and design.

As lovers, otters are tenacious and have remarkably vital libidos. Unafraid of expressing their needs, they have little tolerance for selfish people and are attracted those creative enough to fulfill their sexual appetites. Among the aquatic animals, the lusty dolphin provides endless fun while the terrestrial fox proves to be a challenging and sexy companion. In a relationship, the otter will willingly stray into dangerous waters, betting that its instincts will see it though. But, for the most part it prefers the familiar shallows of a predictable association with the semi-aquatic beaver or sea lion.

There is no question that the otter is going to have children. Lots of them. And this otherwise carefree individual will surprise you with its strict and disciplined approach to child raising.

Otters are certainly not shy. Their highly advanced communication skills explain why friends flock to it for advice and why ex-lovers find it so hard to let it go. But sometimes it seems that relating to an otter is a one-way street; for otters hate criticism. It's not that they don't believe there's room for improvement -- it's just that they tend to confuse criticism with rejection. Friends must step lightly lest they wound the otter's self-image, for this is the surest way to dissuade the otter from further communication.

That's what I am.

Which Tim Burton character are you? Catwoman MAWR!

Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

Yay for a day to semi-laze in the bed. So the alarm clock went off and I decided to lie there (because i had my cell set for 10:30 to make sure i had plenty of time to get up and do my paper for genetics). And it may sounds slightly strange but I honestly felt the peace of the Lord this morning as i was snuggled down in my blankets. Yeah, it does sound crazy. But it felt as if he was telling me to lie back and rest, and to not worry about my concerns for the day. I don't believe i fully fell back asleep, but it was some of the most nourishing rest I've had recently.

I finished my genetics paper so Huzzah! I should call Trill and go on campus for some free stuff day or something. But I needs a shower. and it's 1 o'clock. After shower, and hair, it will be almost 3 which is time for my lab. Then I'll come back home, and cook a casserole for cell tonight.

Ok, I'm off for a shower which I know i will enjoy. I heartily like hot showers.

Sigh, Mondays.

Today was just not a good day. I mean, everyone has those days, so it's no big deal, but I'm still feeling pretty pitiful.

It all started with a genetics test that I'm pretty confidant that I failed. Well not failed exactly, but prolly got a C, or maybe even a D on it. Which I cannot afford in that class. Then I proceeded to fail a lab pracitcal in A&P which I also cannot afford.

The highlight of my day was taking some time out for myself inbetween Biochem and Immunology. I threw my backpack down, rolled up my jacket, set my alarm on my phone, and promptly fell asleep. It was an interesting study in comparisons.. The hard ground beneath my back, which has been there, and will be there, and I don't feel it move. It's symbolizes stability. The sunshine that warms me through my clothes which it feels as if my skin just soaks up. Then the slight breeze which felt like small intimate, soothing, caresses. (How many adjectives can i fit in one sentence folks? Heh, sorry.)

To slowly drift away, while i probably should have been studying, was the highlight of my day. And then it's always nice to have friends stop and sit and talk with you. But then you realize you have to go back to your responsibilites.

My birthday was actually ok this year. Nothing major and the only crying I did was when I had to send Mike home. And that was more because I knew I wouldn't get to see him for a while. And maybe a lil for myself because of finals coming up. I had lots of well wishers, and thanks Korel for the note, that was uber sweet of you.

I only have two more days to make study guide for A&P test. THen start to study for the final. And let's not forget preparing the trailer, closing on the trailer, setting up accounts for electricity, gas, etc. etc. etc. (The King and I! ... oh sorry.)

The bed at home is too hard, I have decided. After sleeping on it for four nights my back was sore. And this isn't really the first instance of that. My back usually starts hurting after two nights. Maybe I should look into one of those sleep number beds? Hah.

Oh well, that concludes all my comments for today.. Oh! And Betrayal at House on the Hill is too crazy-fun. My mind has continuously gone back to it all day. Heh. Ok now I'm done.

Ya know what makes me happy? A full gas tank.

Ya know what makes me sad? Paying 30$ for said full tank. Siiigh.

Hmm, where to start?

The past few weeks have felt very much an emotional roller coaster. I've felt very unstable lately, and not bad unstable... just off my norm. I took a friend to the worship party out at Jamie's, then she needed to get back to the dorm.. and I couldn't find my keys. I know, that's not very abnormal for me, because I lose everything. But I don't seem to have recovered from that momentary panic. I've felt that each day I'm desperately searching for something that someone's hiding for me. Or I feel kind of like a mother hen who is trying to gather all her baby chicks that are running around like balls inside a pinball machine. It's a kind of desperate frustration with life.

Is it because I feel life is moving on without me? Do you realize how many people have become engaged in the last two weeks? Cody G., Robert A., DJ Johnny, Jamie E., and not to mention the fact that Liz is getting married in June. And I still had no clue about how the pharmacy school deal was going to work out. My parents came down this weekend and it felt very odd. Maybe anything to do with my dad places me off kilter because I worry about trying to impress/please him. I know he's proud of me, but that doesn't prevent me from trying to do what he wants.

So, I finally called Mr. Charles Perry (he's on the Pharamcy Application Board or something.) To discover my chances. Why have I been avoiding calling him? Is it because I feared what he had to say? If I continued to put it off I wouldn't receive any bad news. But the letters were to go out the 15th anyways so I finally mustered my strength and called him.

Biiiig breath of relief. It wasn't bad news nessecarily. 25 people were given defer notices. They then labeled those people with High, Medium, and Low priority. He told me that my resume was very impressive and that I had a good interview and that I was labeled as a High priority alternate. My heart started beating pretty fast.. Remember your 129 pulse rate Ashley? hah. Then he proceeded to tell me about the $500 dollar deposit they required this year, and they were not expecting many people to drop out after accepting. And also that they had "overbooked" on applicants anyways. They accepted 135 people. He said they would have to receive 6 or 7 declines before they would start on the alternate list. So the quick (and not to accurate probably) math on my part says that at least 10 people need to change their minds.

Regardless, the conversation left me feeling much more secure in my desicion for my life. He said if I didn't get in this year, with an early application to next year I would be fine. So, school is pretty set, I have a trailer (which i need to concentrate on decorating >_<), and I'll probably re-do my whole schedule.

I also went to hear Nasser speak last night. He spoke on not taking the counsel of the wicked (Psalms 1:1). It was a very good message. He opened my eyes too to a few things. Can you say a scripture for every year of your salvation? I can say 14 or more scriptures (complete with reference) but not all of them are really "important". I've been saved 10 years (or 9.. I can remember the day March 25th, but not the year. Wierd.) So even though I remained standing I felt ashamed of what little I knew. The worship leader, Jason Morant was ok too. He has a long way to go before he will be considered a professional, but he has a lot of potential.

Why all of the sudden does everyone tell me that I have a nice voice? Is it because I'm starting to use it again? Or does God simply know that I need encouragement on something to take my mind off of other things? It just seems lately I've had tons of comments/compliments on my voice. Well, partly it's because I've started singing with XA and I know that. But last night I had two compliements from people I'd never really met. Shoot, I wasn't even paying attention to any of that anyways because I was just pouring myself out to the Lord.

I washed and blowdried my hair yesterday. Me and Blaire went to cambridge and studied.. But I believe she studied more than me. Heh. I say it's because I don't actually have a test coming up and she does. But I know if I don't start studying now.. Especially with my plans to go home for my birthday. Wow, I can't wait! I'm gonna surprise Mike because I've not told him yet. Heh, My dad doesn't know either because he wouldn't approve.. but I want to go home so bad! I'm gonna be 21. It's just not right. We'll see if I cry on this birthday. I have on my last 5. 5 years! How ridiculous is that? I hate getting older. My birthdays just never seem to be any good. Heh, oh well.

Ok, I'm going to go vaccum the house now. Reclaim a modicum of normalacy. Wow, check out the fancy words in that sentence!

Rebecca Kate McGee's Aliases

Your movie star name: Crackers Jerry

Your fashion designer name is Rebecca Rome

Your socialite name is BooBoo Florence

Your fly girl / guy name is R McG

Your detective name is Cat Muscle Shoals

Your barfly name is Gummy Gecko Water

Your soap opera name is Kate J McGee

Your rock star name is Cadberry Eggs Wind

Your star wars name is Rebjok McGmik

Your punk rock band name is The Apathetic Plastic Carrot

The Amazing Meganame Generator

I can just hear Mike now... "That's a great band name!"
A more comprehensive blog later, really.

On another note:

Nasser's coming to Auburn! Woot Woot!

So ha ha to my Ashley, cause I'm gonna get to hear Nasser!
Here's the sched of speakers:
Monday
Band: Supertones
Speaker: Chris Graebe

Tuesday
Band: Big Daddy Weave
Speaker: Chette Williams (football team chaplain)

Wednesday
Band: Jason Morant
Speaker: David Nasser

Note to self, call chrisis center and resched work. And... I don't think I have anything more to say. Ciao.

No genetics tomorrow.. No 7 AM class... No walking across campus twice (just once...)

So, I missed the front door tonight. Well, only half of it. Heather got paged with someone at the hospital (crazyness, second victim in a week. Some people work there for many months before they go to the hospital, I've been twice in one week.) and she asked me to go with, so I did. We met up with most of the people later at Niffers, and it sounds like I missed some fun times. Not only did he call me "Barefoot Becca" (after I slipped out) and comment on my bunny ears (that Trillium was wearing) but he also pulled my rubber chicken up on stage.

Oh yes, and let's all have a moment of silence for Renaldo. Robby killed him.
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He was the best thrift store rubber chicken I ever had.

Happy birthdays to all those who apply. Man there are many this month. Yosh's was Wed. Sarah's was today. Ta's is the 19th. Jamie's is the 20th. Tater's is the 30th. And i'll be old this month too. It's surprising to me how many friends bdays I remember. I've strived to call/email/post/talk to everyone on thier prospective bdays. Sorry if I've missed someone.

Sometimes I just feel old. I mean.. everyone seems to be getting married off. Some are having kids! Noooo! And it was apparently 80's music night at Niffers and I knew every song that came on.. OOoh, that reminds me, Robby said look up Stone Roses. So I shall.

I asked Mike if he could come down to auburn on the weekend of the 30th instead of the 16th because the weekend of the 16th is woman's night and megan's lingerie shower. He got really pouty and quit talking. Siiigh, I knew he would. and almost exactly 30 min later I got a text message saying he was sorry for acting stupid, and he loved me. To which I replied "I know. You were excited about coming down and were getting your hopes up to only be told that you wouldn't get to come. I'm sorry too. And I love you." Wow I miss him so much, this long distance thing has been a stretch many times.

But there's no one like him out there. The completeness he makes me feel. The way he treats me. The beliefs he holds.
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Gyah, I'm lucky.

I've had the urge to blog for two days now, but have been unable to do so because of busyness of stuff. Blarg!

I got all my immunology notes typed, so go me. The test is tomorrow. Boo. And while I should study today, it's too busy to study! Oooooh, what an idge i am for not working over spring break. I said I would, but did I? Nooo. I'm selfish.

My true desire to blog came because of last night though. I volunteer with the Rape Counselors, and the pager went off with a call. Heather was in class, so I went to the hospital... with nothing on me. But I figured being there was more important than anything. Let me just say, "Wow." My eyes were opened to quite a few things last night. And not just the state of moral decay in the world. After it was all over, I had 4 or 5 missed calls. So I started calling people back. The only person that I wanted to talk to was Mike. (Ta says it's because it was an emotional ordeal, and we are very emotionally bound... when did an AE major become and expert on phsyc?) Unfortunately his phone was being 'tarded and wouldn't ring. And my phone was on silent so of course i missed it when he called back.

I cant even verbalize my thoughts about last night. Or write them here really. The poor thing went against her mother's wishes in reporting it anyways, which pisses me off. A mother should support her daughter... especially at a time such as that! I'll call her back in a few days and see if she's made any contacts with counselors and etc.

It's amazing what guys will do because they are "bigger and stronger" than females. I guess that's why i was somewhat surprised I wanted Mike so bad, because as a whole I was kinda pissed off at males last night. No offense, but it's difficult to look at a guy the same after hearing a story such as the one i heard last night.

Blaire called, yay! I think I'm going to jet over there and chill with her for a moment.. hopefully I'll have time. Genetics lab at 3. and it's one now.. if I drive... I should be aight. Later friends!